man you have no idea how much a fuckin’ relief it is sometimes how much you get that kinda thing
[ So many people are dismissive of the way her dynamic with North has, in many ways, irrevocably shaped who she is. She knows it’s her responsibility to fix it, that she twisted herself into this in just as many ways, but it’s nice when people aren’t dismissive of it all. ]
but yeah, that’s fair, i guess. if it comes to me having to ask on the damn network i’ll do that, maybe
[ She could not want to do that less if she tried, honestly. Less than she wants to contract at all. ]
If you need help vetting people, I've been taking my time getting to know people. Admittedly, I've focused a lot on Dominants, but there's a few submissives I know of, who are looking.
that might help. most of the uncontracted submissives i know are like. dudes from home. which is two levels of weird. i can handle like, one level at best
[ She knows contracts of convenience don't really have to reflect your sexuality, they're just covering your ass, but friends from home and dudes is just. Twice the awkward. There's Lina, but... ]
I can understand how awkward that would get. There's only one person from home I'd ever consider for a contract. Even then, it would likely lead to conversations I intend to never have.
yeah, kinda same? probably not for the same reasons, tho
[ She'd take CT on in a heartbeat except for not wanting to deal with finding out if they were even actually friends, in CT's eyes. She'd be far too scared of her saying no, that even that was one-sided, South seeing something that wasn't there. ]
but yeah, i get that too. not that it matters when they're not around and hopefully won't be. since y'know, i wouldn't wish this on ppl
fingers crossed, the only good thing abt having having ppl from home around is the 'they're not dead here and neither am i so we can fix shit' shit and that's STRESSFUL
[ If Ducky catches that slip, it'll be the second time she told someone she's dead at home without even meaning to. ]
[ The Wash from the rig made sure she knew, it was the first thing he really said to her—what was the last thing she remembered, her shooting him in the back or him putting a bullet between her eyes? But for obvious reasons, she can’t go into that. Besides, they get on now, it’s fine. ]
kinda? mostly cause i don’t know what good thinking about it does. either i go back and live it, or i stay here forever, at this point. was gonna dodge it entirely, if i’d made it home from the rig, but that’s off the table now
[ She thinks about it more than she should, she thinks. Thinking about it, believing she deserved it, is what freaked North out so bad last time. ]
least you know now, if i ever feel super weird about it i can tell you? i mean, you know me, i still might not bc i’m stubborn, but
thanks, like, rlly. me too. glad i’ve had the chances i’ve had. and hey, i feel plenty alive when we spend time together
[ Which sounds like, a super cheesy line or something, she realises after she sends it, but it’s meant as both a real sentiment and a joke at once. Ducky’s good company, no matter what they’re doing. ]
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man you have no idea how much a fuckin’ relief it is sometimes how much you get that kinda thing
[ So many people are dismissive of the way her dynamic with North has, in many ways, irrevocably shaped who she is. She knows it’s her responsibility to fix it, that she twisted herself into this in just as many ways, but it’s nice when people aren’t dismissive of it all. ]
but yeah, that’s fair, i guess. if it comes to me having to ask on the damn network i’ll do that, maybe
[ She could not want to do that less if she tried, honestly. Less than she wants to contract at all. ]
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that might help. most of the uncontracted submissives i know are like. dudes from home. which is two levels of weird. i can handle like, one level at best
[ She knows contracts of convenience don't really have to reflect your sexuality, they're just covering your ass, but friends from home and dudes is just. Twice the awkward. There's Lina, but... ]
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yeah, kinda same? probably not for the same reasons, tho
[ She'd take CT on in a heartbeat except for not wanting to deal with finding out if they were even actually friends, in CT's eyes. She'd be far too scared of her saying no, that even that was one-sided, South seeing something that wasn't there. ]
but yeah, i get that too. not that it matters when they're not around and hopefully won't be. since y'know, i wouldn't wish this on ppl
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fingers crossed, the only good thing abt having having ppl from home around is the 'they're not dead here and neither am i so we can fix shit' shit and that's STRESSFUL
[ If Ducky catches that slip, it'll be the second time she told someone she's dead at home without even meaning to. ]
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I'm glad you have that opportunity.
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oh fuck what did i say this time
[ She doesn’t tend to read much into every pause but that one has her glancing back at what she wrote. And, sure enough. ]
ah, shit
y’know one day i’ll go a month without my mouth or fingers working faster than my brain. one day
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But I did catch that.
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i kinda avoid it bc i don’t wanna freak people out, y’know?
it’s a weird thing to drop on people. ‘hi, i’m technically dead’ isn’t exactly small talk
it hasn’t actually happened yet, if that means anything. got yoinked before i lived it
[ Which 100% makes it weirder, really. ]
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on the rig, before here, but yeah. i got told
[ The Wash from the rig made sure she knew, it was the first thing he really said to her—what was the last thing she remembered, her shooting him in the back or him putting a bullet between her eyes? But for obvious reasons, she can’t go into that. Besides, they get on now, it’s fine. ]
kinda? mostly cause i don’t know what good thinking about it does. either i go back and live it, or i stay here forever, at this point. was gonna dodge it entirely, if i’d made it home from the rig, but that’s off the table now
[ She thinks about it more than she should, she thinks. Thinking about it, believing she deserved it, is what freaked North out so bad last time. ]
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I don't know what to say. I don't know if there is anything that would be right for me to say about it.
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it’s okay, ducky, it’s a weird fuckin situation. kinda why i try not to dump it on people on purpose
like, hell, most people i know who died back home in these places came kinda from when it happened, but somehow i ended up special i guess
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Anyway, I am glad you are alive here. And I'm glad to know you.
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least you know now, if i ever feel super weird about it i can tell you? i mean, you know me, i still might not bc i’m stubborn, but
thanks, like, rlly. me too. glad i’ve had the chances i’ve had. and hey, i feel plenty alive when we spend time together
[ Which sounds like, a super cheesy line or something, she realises after she sends it, but it’s meant as both a real sentiment and a joke at once. Ducky’s good company, no matter what they’re doing. ]
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You make me feel more alive, too.
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[ No that does not make her grin to herself, shut up. ]
i'd say that i know i at least keep you on your toes but like, do i? i don't think it takes you any effort to keep up with me
...i do keep you on your toes physically though. y'know. bc i'm too damn tall
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hehe. i think that's the nicest way i've ever been called challenging ;P