[ She’s never wanted to hug him so much in her life. But she’s not sure he’s understood, not sure if he can when he’s still so hung up on the other thing. She’s not sure she can get it into his head when he’s still probably crying over there, so worked up he’s hitting send mid goddamn message. ]

drew that wasn’t your fault!! it was all my own!! you wouldn’t have died if it wasn’t for me you know that please don’t fucking blame yourself for that

please

[ It hurts in some way she can’t quite describe, to hear him say all this, to hear him say he wishes she hadn’t been alone when it was all her own goddamned fault. When all that time she spent crying and cursing herself and getting drunk was because she knew, even then, that she’d brought this on herself. ]

and i wasn’t alone for all of it. i had people on the rig. it wasn’t the whole time