duplicity inbox

[ownperson]

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[ownperson]

right the other merc problems
you think he's gonna come after u

[protocol]

I could handle him, and I think we should knock him out if we have to.

[ BUT. he and locus had a bit of an altercation, one that he hasn't really told south about, when he went to the safehouse and had to kick out his unwanted tenant. in other words, wash feels like he's already done a lot to locus and that maybe they should at least try to be a bit more diplomatic, if only because it would be cleaner. ]

But ideally we can avoid it.

He'll want to talk to me. I'd like a few days without having to worry about that. I do think that if I just ignored him that he might lay siege to the apartment.

[ownperson]

so, what
u want me to head him off somehow?

wait do u want me to talk to him

[protocol]

Do your best.

[ BYE FELICIA ]

[ownperson]

agent fucking washington

[ Yes she's full agent naming you, motherfucker. ]

have u been thrown into a universe where I
ME
SOUTH
SOUTH DAKOTA
fucking HELLJUMPER AND KNOWN BITCH
is even as diplomatic as the nearest PUCKERED ASSHOLE

1/2 lmao

[protocol]

Puckered assholes can be pretty accommodating around here, actually.

I just need a few days. Thanks.

[protocol]

[ not that long after, just as predicted, locus comes calling. south will receive a notification informing her of messages being forwarded from wash's device, along with the following text file attachment: ]

OBJECTIVE: AVOID COMBAT ENGAGEMENT
- Do not inform him about his future. I'll handle it later.
- Probably don't mention how much you heard us fuck.

IN CASE OF COMBAT ENGAGEMENT:
- Weapon of Choice: SRS99-AM Sniper Rifle.
- Armor has a stealth mod.
- Try not to kill him.

[ownperson]

don't say i didn't fucking warn you buddy

[protocol]

This is honestly going worse than I thought.

[protocol]

I'm pulling you out.

Bad call on my part. I'll handle it.

Sombra?

[ownperson]

ugh fine
srsly even i've never jumped to serious threats over someone being a snarky shitposty bitch at me
i don't think i stood a chance here

[hackeo]

u shitposted a man on the edge with nothing to lose cariño what'd u expect

[ Hi, this is a group chat now because, well, Sombra gonna Sombra. ]

[ownperson]

i shoulda just left off the curses and pretended i was an actual fucking answering machine

[protocol]

I did tell you that he was kind of obsessed with me back on Chorus.

[ yep its a group chat there it goes ]

[ownperson]

dude there's obsessed and ~OBSESSED~
and HE OWES ME EVERYTHING GRAWR RAWR RAWR is 100% ~OBSESSED~

[protocol]

On Chorus it was about me being a true soldier or something.

Here, I'm a scapegoat for his relationship failures. Pretty big intensifier, as it turns out.

[ownperson]

fucking apparently!!!
fuck i thought just felix's ass was bad somehow its worse now he's gone

[hackeo]

[ Annnd here she is, a quick scramble of purple text before suddenly this is a group chat because of course she's already in here- ]

sí qué onda
want me to take over, amigo?

[protocol]

It's fine. Problem is less that South was bad at it, and more that Locus won't be receptive no matter what either of you do.

[ but south was bad at it. ]

You two might want to get out of there for a while, though. I'd just rather avoid killing him if we can.

I'm going to handle this. Let me know if you get a visual on him? [ he knows and trusts what you're capable of, sombra, and he assumes you're like. already on the cameras. ]

[ownperson]

i told you dude you knew what you were buying when you put down the deposit

i won't engage him if i don't fuckin have to but i'm also not gonna run like a bitch baby from the building on the chance he picks a fight abt it

[ And yes, knowing Sombra she's probably already on the cameras. She doesn't need to say shit there. ]

[protocol]

You heard her. She's hungry.

[ownperson]

gfdi now ur ganging up on me

[hackeo]

on it

and ok but she WAS bad at it tho
but fine southita take me on an emergency date i'm hungry

[ownperson]

i fucking told him! he's the one who sent his fucking resident helljumper bitch to handle a delicate situation!

but fine where the fuck are we going then

[hackeo]

should've asked me to handle it tbh

take me to the slutty taco hut
u know, the one with the dorito dew american trash tacos
wash do u want anything